i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
