Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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