He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
