OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
