Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
