so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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