i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
