this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
