I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
