At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
