I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
