Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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