it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
