you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
