chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
