i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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