GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
