Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
