you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
