My room smells like vodka and shame
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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