Kiss
Puke
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
