If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
