Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
