i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
please come you make the beer taste better
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
