Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
