I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
