I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
