Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize