..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
