look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
