so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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