I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
