I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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