and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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