he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
