Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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