So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
