what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
