rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
