Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
