Plan B is the new Plan A
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
