After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
