She said her name was "party"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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