so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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