btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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