Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
