THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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