I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Randomize
