Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
