She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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