I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
