I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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