My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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