can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
