im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
