I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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