Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
