If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
