my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
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