Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
