you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
