Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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