guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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