You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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