I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
