D3 body, D1 cock
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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