It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
