I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
