Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
