??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she peed on how many people?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
