just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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