Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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