There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How does one acquire holy water?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
