I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
