Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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