I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
