What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
