someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
