we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
