i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize