it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
