btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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