My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
