i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
