Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
