i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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