return my video game
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
