dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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