so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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