Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
