You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
