nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
