I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
high people should be assigned attendants
I wish you could order shots online.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
