I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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