Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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