Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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