Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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