he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
