So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
