My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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