U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
