I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
