how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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