do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
