I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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