wanna go halves on a baby?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
