PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
