you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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